


Until The Wind Changes

by phrenitis



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-21
Updated: 2014-01-21
Packaged: 2018-01-09 11:45:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1145581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phrenitis/pseuds/phrenitis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What’s clear is Oliver has more masks than the obvious ones he wears.</p><p>2x6 Episode Tag.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until The Wind Changes

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: Season Two, _Keep Your Enemies Closer_
> 
> For [Becca-Letters](http://becca-letters.tumblr.com/) whose prompt got me writing again. Angsty (-ish?) post-Russia fic for you, darlin'.

She’s disappointed in Oliver; it’s a foreign feeling and uncomfortable to discover. She expected more from him.

There are no further reasons given or owed to her for why Oliver the man has a penchant for making poor choices Oliver the hero wouldn’t entertain, and Felicity is well aware she already crossed the line into his personal affairs when she pushed the Russia issue.

Personal affairs, she reminds herself firmly, that really are none of her business.

But she’s always had an eye for inconsistency. She can spot the one defect in a thousand lines of code, easily sees glitches and errors in patterns in no time at all. And even if reading _people_ falls into a different spectrum of skills entirely that she maybe mostly doesn’t have, she knows Oliver.

She’s picked up on a few things in their time together and knows he’s honorable to a fault. It’s something she admires, and a quality so rare in most that she likes seeing it in him a lot. And he wears it well despite his many island-shaped demons, despite his ridiculously large fortune and public responsibilities, so there’s a sort of secret pride she carries around knowing he’s living as this silent hero among men.

Then there’s Russia.

==

What happens in Russia…

Well, it doesn’t stay in Russia. She’ll take full responsibility for that one; there are some puzzles she needs to solve. But motivated or not, she receives an apology from Oliver for a personal decision he had every right to make and she had no right to question.

 _Why?_ she wonders too often after. _Why did he give an explanation?_

It takes a couple of months and quite a few bottles of wine to realize she might not want to know the answer.

==

Because what’s clear is Oliver has more masks than the obvious ones he wears.

As CEO of Queen Consolidated, he is a model of professional responsibility; it’s no longer simply a front, and his interest in the company is (finally) genuine. As the vigilante, his concern for the people in the city is a familial debt he feels he owes. It ignites both his benevolence and his rage, and he doesn’t hesitate to help or fight anyone that deserves it on behalf of everyone (deserving or not). And as a Queen, he assumes his place as patriarch, accepts the family mantle and cycles through a number of covers as a necessity to maintain Moira’s and Thea’s protection above all else.

This complex man she knows well, even fell for a little when she was still piecing the mystery together, and collecting bits of him with care. She understands this kind of devotion, the kind of balance it needs and the truth of spirit it requires to succeed. And a man who can wear that many masks is held to a greater standard because of it.

Oliver as a colleague, a partner, a friend – he dons these labels for her, for John - their glimpse into who he really is beneath the scars. They’ve earned that right and that trust with him, and it’s enough. For a long time she thinks it’s everything.

So, she falls hard for the guy who offers her the apology. It’s not immediate; she spends too long nursing the disappointment left from his stupid tryst in Russia. But in time, soon enough, she sees what she missed.

In that one moment, during that apology, it’s Oliver in front of her without any kind of mask at all.

==

Isabel continues to make appearances at the office – unannounced mostly, which Felicity finds aggravating, but she doesn’t waste time harboring ill will because she’s busy enough as it is managing Oliver’s double life and leading one of her own. The justifications for the visits are on point though perhaps the visits themselves not necessary, and only Isabel seems determined to achieve what from all outward appearances is some kind of win.

But whatever battle Isabel is fighting, Oliver doesn’t seem to be an active participant, and Isabel works her frustration out through last minute scheduling changes, cancelling the shareholders’ vote on the public works contract, and following it with a flurry of emails and phone calls. It’s an annoyance, and Felicity’s sure it’s designed to test her – she may not come with all the assistant qualifications needed for the role she plays alongside Oliver, but she has a solid skill set of her own, and she isn’t oblivious to Isabel’s game. It takes a little creative navigating, but then it’s just a couple of keystrokes to run some nicely placed background programs that slow up Isabel’s network and give Felicity a reprieve.

“Ms. Smoak,” Isabel says coolly on each visit, a brisk nod accompanying as she passes Felicity; there’s little need for chit chat. But sometimes she will stop on her way out, her expression hard to interpret.

“My emails to Oliver are bouncing,” she’ll note with mild curiosity. “Do you know anything about that?”

“I’ll have someone from I.T. take a look at Mr. Queen’s account,” Felicity will offer, the truth but not the whole truth, and she’s surprisingly good at walking that line.

Their interactions are limited to those simple exchanges for the most part, and whatever Isabel may suspect, there are no trails for her to follow. But it creates a strange tension in the office whenever Isabel is around, and Felicity watches Oliver closely to see if he’s aware.

He’s oblivious to the technical issues that oddly seem to plague Isabel, but Felicity can’t help but notice how Oliver keeps a distinct four square foot section of space between himself and Isabel, how he manages to magically procure the coffee Isabel insists on having before Felicity can say something she honestly doubts she’ll regret, or how he’ll keep looking through the glass wall of the conference room to catch Felicity’s eye over and over again like he can’t stay focused on what Isabel is saying.

It’s the only topic Oliver fully avoids, and Felicity knows better than to bring up what happened in Moscow a fourth time, so Isabel continues to circle in the distance, landing occasionally with planned precision.

It’s a constant reminder of the Russia incident they keep trying to leave behind.

==

Falling in love with Oliver is a huge mistake, yet here she is.

It’s a doorway to nowhere, but there’s something bittersweet about giving her heart up for a man with failings instead of for the myriad heroes he portrays. His faults separate him from the roles he’s assumed and it suddenly makes him real to her – challenging, infuriating, and exhausting on occasion too, yes, but _real_. He’s just a guy in the end, making mistakes like the best of them.

She is comfortable as his partner and his friend, and she has no illusions that she could be anything further; Oliver deserves more than she’s worth. But now she has these thoughts. When there’s a sudden silence over the comms, the thoughts are on her tongue, caught up in the breath that’s frozen in her chest. When she’s two and a half glasses of wine in for the night, the thoughts are a flush on her skin, one text away from disaster. They’re a distraction and unsolicited, and what she greatly wants most is the chance to be entrusted with the feelings and flaws he conceals so she can show support instead of disappointment. It matters to her that he understand she has his back.

She drops less than subtle hints accidentally, her mind really having no control over her mouth whatsoever, although she attempts to cover the verbal missteps with somewhat clumsy success. Surprisingly, it goes mostly unnoticed… by Oliver anyway.

“Your poker face,” John says quietly to her as they watch Oliver walk Isabel to her waiting car.

Felicity turns away from the visual as nonchalantly as possible. “What about it?”

“You should probably get one,” he comments.

She can’t quite think up an excuse (and they both know it’s not her strong suit), but she finds an expression to wear that ends the conversation. It is not a topic for discussion. Her presence around Oliver already provides far too much fodder for company and tabloid gossip, and justified or not, her feelings for him are an added complication neither of them need.

But her secret’s out, in a manner of speaking. She’s really never been good in love, her choice in men a historical fail that she seems to repeat. That she’s in love with Oliver of all people is really just icing on the cake because _of course she is_. Who isn’t in love with him? She still has the bottle of Château-Grillet that topping the list of Starling City’s Most Eligible Bachelors 2012 netted him - half the city obsessing over Oliver Queen or the vigilante at any hour. Falling in love with a celebrity is easy, and she just manages to convince herself that she’s not immune to the effect his fame has on everyone else.

So when she gives in to whimsy on occasion, it’s rare and always good-humored – there’s no lack of Oliver Queen in any attire (or no attire so help her) online. All that press, all that coverage - it reminds her to keep her perspective, to help her find infatuation in love where emotions can be shallow, where she’s not thinking of the secrets they protect, or the burden of responsibility they share, or on occasion how his masks all slip away and she sees the man that she’s forgiven.

It’s only the touch of his hand on her shoulder that can give her pause. Just for a moment, like a skip in a disc.

==

She plays a number of parts in this business of theirs, too – roles of her own that bring an entirely new set of headaches. It doesn’t come as naturally to her, extra identities and lies a part of her she carries but still needs to learn to use.

Oliver helps in his way, each meeting she attends, every mission she observes an example for her to follow. She is Ms. Smoak, Felicity and Meghan in a good day’s work, and it’s not as confusing as it should be. Her cover stories don’t get any better with practice, but the different personas she puts on teach her how to wear the truth behind layers.

No one would fault her for her feelings, but she would never risk everything they have at stake simply to pine after the unattainable. She accepts reality with little regret because she believes in the cause, believes deeply in Oliver, and it’s hard not to keep his best interests at heart. So she trades love in for the partnership she values more than anything, hides the feelings beneath a mask.

There’s irony in it though, she doesn’t miss that.

 

- _Fin_


End file.
